The 101 on Sticky Situations.

Yes yes, we have reached the much avoided topic of uncomfortable situations. Now that I’m back from my short hiatus, I’m feeling pretty confident to dicuss this topic area. Guys, have you ever wondered why girls say they’re fine when they really, pretty obviously aren’t? Or why what may seem to you like the littlest issue may very well blow out of proportion with us? Well, look no further because I’ve got the 101 on what goes on in an estrogenated mind when it gets uncomfortable, and fights are picked.

I’m sure any guy who’s ever dated a girl has come across a situation where she is obviously peeved and yet, refuses to say anything about what might have led to that obvious peev-ness. And talking to a couple of girls, I’ve realised we all kind of think the same way. The reason for our refusal to budge and let you in on what we’ve been offended by is simple. We expect you to figure it out. Why? Because we simply want to know that you want to know.

Think of it this way, if we were to simply explain every single detail to you, it’d be no different from constructing your own Ikea furniture. No, we do not want to come with an instructions manual because that would just tire the relationship sooner. Notice that most girls get even more peeved when you just shrug it off. And suddenly the issue escalates to a far higher level than that of which it was started. My advice? Attempt to deal with the problem when it is still minute and manageable. That way, you won’t have to invest in flowers and gifts to make up for what was blown out of proportion.

Personally, while I know it is a waste of time to be whining over the simplest issues, I still do so because I just would like to see how much a guy cares. A measure of a man, to me, is in how much he is willing to put aside his own wants (in this case, to just not talk about the small issues) for my wants (to talk about the small issues). And while I know that such a mentality is selfish and totally unnecessary, I am not embarrassed to discuss it because, after all, the purpose of this blog was to share a deep and unfiltered insight into a girl’s mind.

But I guess the key to a problemless relationship is, at the end of the day, respect. By problemless I do not in any way mean no problems whatsoever, rather just lesser problems. Girls, we have to respect the ideal male solution to handling such sticky situations, which may, as much as we do not like it, be to not deal with it. And guys, sometimes it is essential to respect that a little attention at the initial stage of the meltdown is what we’re looking for. So once again, such situations rely on a little give-and-take.

And it took me quite a long while to realise that when I do not force a problem to be discussed on the spot, right there and then, guys show up in a huge way and it is just so much easier to get by the difficult days. I will admit that it takes alot of effort to let certain small issues slide but trust me when I say that the effort does pay off. The greatest gift that you can give a guy is his own time and space to figure out what went wrong. While my impatience does get the better of me at times, it is so much more rewarding when your beau realises exactly what went wrong without your constant nagging at him. And when I revert back to my naggy little self, I simply remind myself that I did not get into this to be his mother.

So girls, and guys, the next time things seem like they’re gonna get sticky, take a step back, breathe hard and assess whether the situation is worth an argument over. Rational minds get more of what they want.

Here’s to not being a mother to someone who’s not your child,
Amoriana Jones

Raiding Review by Amorres Perres.

Note from Amoriana: I mentioned on my Facebook page that we’d be bringing in Amorres to provide a male perspective on the same book that I’d talked about in the previous post. So ladies, here’s what a guy thinks of that exact same book. And guys, you might by the end of this post decide that you would like to read it too.

The first time I saw this book was in my sister’s hands. It was just a glance and thought nothing much of it. A few days later, I needed to take a crap. I love to enjoy my crap as though one is having a nice dinner. My crap usually involves a reading material, preferably a good one. So, under great bowel pressure, I grabbed whatever I could from the bookshelf before entering the toilet and it turned out to be ‘Why Men Love Bitches’ by Sherry Argov.

I read and washed up and continue reading the book in my room till the end. Instantly I sent out a text to my best friend to read the book. It is a simple explanation of why some girls are unknowingly abused and mistreated (doormat) by their partners and not receiving the same affection they did during the wooing and honeymoon stages.

Men, whether we like to admit it or not, have the understanding that women are the weaker sex. I have been surrounded by many girl friends that have helped to enhance the men’s perspective to that. Many times I said, ‘Hey get out of it, do not show him you’re at his mercy! Make him work to get you back’ and usually they’d vehemently nod in agreement before asking me ‘Do you think he’ll come back?’ – Ah, what can I say?

This book will explain that you’re being too nice! Being a bitch does not mean you go around snatching other girl’s boyfriends. I’d prefer to see it that you don’t care if someone steals your boyfriend. Your presence and significance (dream girl) has to have an impact on the men.

This book suggests to you the steps you can take to increase your presence in the relationship and ideas to bring him out of his comfort zone. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and trying to talk to men about possible problems who’d probably just brush it off, you have to speak through actions. He will listen. The book will show you.

Ultimately, it is about self-empowerment and gaining the ability to keep men interested in you as he was from the first day. I strongly encourage you girls to read the book and here is my favourite quote off the book:

‘If a man has to wait before he sleeps with a woman, he’ll not only perceive her as more beautiful, he’ll also take time to appreciate who she is’.

Power up, girls.
Amorres Perres

Raiding Reviews: Why Men Love Bitches.

So I’ve decided to shake it up a little, and include our first book review right here on AmorianaSpeaks. This will just be one of the many different segments I hope to eventually include into this humble little blog. And what could be more apt than the bestseller Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov.

From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship

I first heard of this book from my little sister, who found the book amazingly helpful in making her relationship work. She was so extremely adamant about me reading it that she went on a hunt for the book in all major bookstores so she could present me with it. All she kept saying over and over again was that I needed to read it.

And trust me, I was skeptical at first. I mean, I have read a couple of self-help books before but never ever felt too strongly about any. I often skimmed through them for entertainment’s sake and never took the teachings too seriously. But here was my little sister, mighty sure that reading this book would change my life.

Then came a text from my best friend, who had read it because his sister owned a copy. He too was certain that this was something I just had to read, which added on to my growing desire to find the book. And boy, did I look for it. Every bookstore I went to had ran out of stock on the book. And finally, I found it, with much thanks to my best friend who had seen it in the store at his neighbourhood.

After reading the first few chapters, I was extremely intrigued. Argov successfully described the very person I have been to such detail that I thought she might have been writing about me. I have always been that “nice girl”. And I most definitely am not the only one. I instantly recalled the many stories I’ve heard from various people around me, and realised that we have all at one point or another felt embarrassed because we were too needy for our other halves. And we are definitely guilty of dropping our lives just for the sake of men. I mean, just look back on my previous post.

The book basically allows women an insight into a guy’s psyche and how women have been so caught up in our own needs that we end up compromising far more than we should be doing. The worst part, this compromise does not come off as romantic and sacrificial, but simply needy. Argov shares the keys to making a relationship work and I have to say that, looking back on my experiences, they hold extremely true. I found myself believing in the book pretty easily and I strongly believe that all girls need to read it.

Thanks to my little sister, I now have a brand new perspective. And I hope to be able to utilise the key ideas shared in the book one day. Oh, and stay tuned, I’ll be inviting my best friend to enlighten us further with a male perspective on what he thought of the book.

A new and improved bitch,
Amoriana Jones

The 101 on What a Girl Really Thinks About Love.

It was a girls’ day out for me today. Meaningful conversations that I’ve shared with my girlfriends over the years, including today, form the basis for this post. Once again, I may not speak for all girls, but this is what I’ve always thought about love and I guess it makes for a comprehensive insight into an estrogenated mind. So brace yourself, this might turn out to be a long ride.

One word describes what I want from love, and that is fairytale.

fairytale
noun
1.	a story about fairies; told to amuse children
2.	an interesting but highly implausible story; often told as an excuse

Alright, I know dictionary.com is not an extremely reliable tool for learning but it has served me well in the years of my existence and, thus, should suffice for this post. I grew up highly exposed to the great Disney classics. Fairytales of Princesses who found their Prince Charmings and lived happily ever after, and at a very young age, I knew that was how life was gonna be for me. A fairytale of mishaps and misses, ending in a happily ever after. Little did I know that these stories probably had to span decades to take place, though the Princesses never looked a day older at the end of it all.

And the way I see it, all girls expose themselves to fairytales. Whether through Jane Austen or Nora Roberts literary works, big budget Hollywood romantic comedies or tear-jerking Korean series, most of us have wanted to believe that we would one day be that Princess who gets swept off her feet by our very own Prince Charming. And I just happen to be one of the many.

But it’s not to say that we’re unprepared for hardship. I think alot of us are willing to do what it takes to make things work. When I asked girls how far they are willing to go for love, alot of them were rather willing to give up what it takes as long as it did not compromise on their own values. We know that a fairytale takes work and effort, and somehow, many of us would willingly drop it all for someone we believe is worth it, and even put our lives on hold for two hours for a measly dinner.

It’s not uncommon to see female halves willingly engage in activities they normally would not just to accompany their male halves. I guess alot of us don’t mind doing it because it’s a way of spending time. But what matters at the end of the day is balance. It’s often easy to forget that a relationship is simply made up of giving and taking.  Those two actions are often easy to accomplish, as long as we are willing to put our egos aside.

And actions hardly come without expectations. It is pure human nature. When you lend money to someone, you do expect to get it back don’t you? And I don’t think girls have unrealistic expectations of guys because when we do have expectations, they are often made on reasonable basis. Maybe you have done something of the same calibre in the past which did make us feel quite special and we long for that feeling again. Honestly, I believe that unrealistic expectations can be put to rest with a simple conversation. I think at the end of the day, most of us simply yearn to see effort. And as explained in my previous post, effort does not mean the whole nine yards.

Til this day, despite countless heartbreaks, I do still believe in a fairytale. Eventually.

Waiting on my own Prince Charming,
Amoriana Jones

The 101 on Making Her Melt.

Is there an important date coming up which calls for a gift? Or you just feel like your girlfriend deserves to feel special? What if I told you that it’s not how much you spend on the gift that matters to us? I’ve got with me the secret formula for making a girl melt. Or at least what I know would make me melt anyday.

So through gathering information from various women of different ages, I realised that most of us yearn for our other halves to actually do rather simple things. Yet, it seems to guys that we’re rather difficult to please in terms of buying gifts. While we might talk about that kate spade wallet or Tiffany & Co. necklace, it doesn’t mean that we expect you to dig deep into your pockets to satisfy our material desires.

Contrary to the common belief, we are actually rather happy with little gestures of love which are unexpected. Personally, the most memorable gifts I have ever gotten were probably a handwritten note on reasons what my beau of the moment loved about me, and a handmade flower out of what remained of a smoked cigarette. I found that to be the sweetest gift I have ever gotten because it was extremely personal.

Another gift that totally melted my heart was a toy camera which I had been looking at and was thinking of saving up to get. The best part is that I had actually already forgotten how much I wanted it. The reason why that gift worked? Because he had actually remembered that it was something I really wanted. So the bottomline in getting gifts, make it something that actually shows that you have put some thought into it. The pricetag, I repeat, does not matter.

The don’ts when it comes to getting gifts? Don’t get something you like and assume she’ll like it the same. Don’t constantly tell her how expensive it was. Don’t buy something without any heart. It should be a decision made with thought.

Another thing I’ve come to realise in speaking with girls is that all we want sometimes is just romance. Yes, that fairytale-like walking on clouds feeling. So it does matter for you to surprise her once in a while. One reply I got that epitomises exactly how I feel is that a guy should never stop wooing a girl, even if they’re been together for eons. That is what makes a relationship stale. And I guess that’s what lead to couples eventually getting tired of one another. The thing to take note is that your actions are directly related to how a girl feels. And alot of girls I know of can willingly over long periods of time do little things that make you melt, as long as you sometimes are willing to do the same.

Romance is key to a relationship. Otherwise, would it not be just another friendship? So appear when you’re not expected. Let her know what she means to you. Write her simple silly notes when you’ve got nothing else to do. Send her a text in the middle of a busy day out of the blue to tell her that you thought about her. Call her at unexpected moments just to ask her how her day has been. Take her out for a picnic in the middle of the night. Or cook a simple meal at home for the two of you.

You have a choice to make her fall in love with you all over again everyday, no matter how long you guys might have been together. After all, she might be the one you’ll be spending the rest of your life with. Why give it an opportunity to grow stale? You only live once, make the love while it lasts worthwhile.

Hoping to melt all over again,
Amoriana Jones

The 101 on Exes.

There’s nothing more appropriate to get this ball of a blog rolling than to discuss about the much avoided landspace of ex-girlfriends, especially since I am now a new ex-girlfriend to yet another guy. Therefore, in our first of the 101 series, let us discuss the topic of exes, ex-girlfriends in particular.

In order for a relationship to work within the first few months, both parties have to be honest about past relationships. Trust me when I say that we, women, would love to know what happened, what she’s like and how it ended. I guess the reason behind that is that most of us would like to see where we stand in comparison to them. Yes, I know it’s annoying how we compare ourselves, but just like every man longs to be the alpha male, women crave the same too. We even go so far as to ask for details of the relationship, because details are what put us at ease.

When a guy is uncomfortable speaking about his past, chances are his female counterpart experiences extreme suspicion and asks more questions. Though we all may have made mistakes which may not reflect too well on us, it is best to share this mistakes and the lessons that have come along with it. I personally know of girls who know that their beaus have committed infidelity in the past, and yet are currently happy in the relationship.

Opening up to us ensues trust as women tend to feel a level of pride and accomplishment that you are willing to be open and honest. When doing so however, expect that she might feel the need to tell you about her past as well and it is only polite to listen. At this point, it is not a matter of competing for the more tragic lovelife, but simply, an opportunity to find out more about the possible future character traits which might arise over the long run.

And one thing worthy to note, most girls are by nature nosy and feel a need to pry into the affairs of others. I, for one, have been guilty of attempting a search on google.com on the ex-girlfriends of people I have dated with in the past. Speaking to more girls, I have realised that I am definitely not the only one. Most of us turn into psycho-blogstalkers and it never is a matter of whether you have gotten over her or not. We just feel like we have a right to know.

So what can a guy do when faced with such a situation? Reassurance is key. We need to know that we have now occupied that space she once did fully. And if we should snoop around and it does not cause much harm to anyone else, let us. But should it cross the line, feel free to speak up about it but still understand the situation. But never use anything about our exes against us, because that’s when the meltdown begins.

Somehow, we tend to feel that we have a right in keeping our exes as friends but you don’t. So if you do feel awkward about the situation, it is no harm sitting down and having a quick chat on why you might think that having her ex around may not be healthy for her in the long run. And girls, when your significant others do so, respect their opinion and calmly discuss it instead of being defensive or offensive. Having an open conversation about this topic will definitely help.

Don’t let the past return to haunt you,
Amoriana Jones

Introducing…

The idea for this blog came up soon after my most recent break up. I was speaking to close guy friends and they occasionally were surprised with the things I had to say. Which came as no surprise to me as I knew somehow guys find girls hard to understand. Upon speaking to close girl friends, on the other hand, I realised that we often shared common views about how we deserve to be treated by our significant others (be it boyfriends or husbands) and yet, often the relationship goes on to take a life of its own and we’re left settling for something totally opposite of what we had initially wanted. What got me set on doing this was a guy friend who actually thanked me for sharing how I felt with him, as he never knew what a girl went through after a breakup.

I’m in no way lamenting that men do not understand how women deserve to be treated. I strongly believe that men are kinda in sync with women, and vice versa, but both genders simply expect the other to understand them, without communicating it to one another, thus leading to heated arguments or dissatisfaction with sticky situations which could have easily been avoided with the voicing of opinions. Also, I believe both genders have a rough idea of what goes on in each other’s minds but simply never realised how important some of this seemingly insignificant thoughts may be.

Since I am in no position to verbally express the thoughts of the male population, I have decided to do us all a favour and share the thoughts and emotions of a girl. I will attempt to include as many real-life examples as possible to provide a more holistic discussion. My only hope is to clear all air about the ideas of love girls may have, as it would be unjustified to expect anyone to understand without revealing it in the first place. I would love to hear from anyone who has something to say or believes in a topic which should be discussed.

So here’s to a new journey of self-discovery for me, and hopefully one for you as well.

It’s our God-intended right to be loved,
Amoriana Jones